


Walls

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Did I mention angst, Drinking, Foster Care, Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma Friendship, I'm Bad At Summaries, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kuroo Tetsurou & Oikawa Tooru Friendship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Smoking, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking, smoking is bad kuroo please
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-02-23 07:49:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23308126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The past couple of weeks had hung around Kenma’s brain like a thick fog. If he squinted hard enough, he could see what was happening. Of course, that all depended on how much energy he was willing to put into seeing past it. Truthfully, he didn’t see the value in putting in the effort....In the normal fashion of Kuroo’s life, it quickly began to spiral out of control. His first few weeks after being placed at the EB were filled with headaches and completely restless nights. Whether that was from the nicotine withdrawals or his new home he wasn’t sure, but he always chalked it up to the withdrawals.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 21
Kudos: 66





	1. Morning, November

The past couple of weeks had hung around Kenma’s brain like a thick fog. If he squinted hard enough, he could see what was happening. Of course, that all depended on how much energy he was willing to put into seeing past it. Truthfully, he didn’t see the value in putting in the effort. Before all of this, Kenma would have to put effort into letting his brain gather a little fog. His silence was a trade-off for an over-observant mind, always listening and gathering information without intention. Now, his brain was hazed, picking up bits and pieces of information but never being able to form a full picture.

“So, what do you think Kenma?” A woman’s voice floated through the haze. She had one of those overly-sweet professional voices, the kind adults use when they want you to think they care about you but really, they just pity you. Kenma lifted his head slightly, looking at the woman through his box blonde hair. She held a tight smile on her face, an accessory to the caring adult act. They were sitting in a dark office, something straight out of a movie about teenagers at a boarding school with a secret. The walls were covered in dark wood paneling, with large windows covered by even darker curtains. Something about it all made him want to laugh because there was no way places like this actually existed.

“Kenma?” His mother’s voice broke through the fog this time. She sounded tired, Kenma didn’t even have to look at her to know that she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. Probably because she hadn’t. He heard her swallow hard as if she was trying to choke back a sob. “I’m sorry he-”

“Please, don’t be sorry. This is why we’re here isn’t it?” The disgustingly sweet voice again. He heard a tissue being pulled from a box and saw it handed to his mother out of the corner of his eye. “By the time he leaves us, he’ll be a brand new boy.”

♣

The car ride home was silent, not that it usually wasn’t. Kenma felt suffocated by the thick air that hung between him and his mother. She had kept nervously shifting in the driver’s seat, glancing at Kenma through the corner of her eyes as if she was afraid he suddenly wouldn’t be there.

“You know your father and I are just trying to help you, right?” Her voice came out strained, sounding more like she was trying to convince herself more than him.

“I know.”

“We just-” She signed, taking one hand off the wheel to find what she wanted to say next. “We don’t know what else to do anymore.” Kenma didn’t know what she wanted him to say. He didn’t even know what he wanted to say. He wasn’t mad at his parents, he couldn’t be. He wasn’t exactly happy about all this either. They rode the rest of the way in silence, Kenma heading straight to his room when the car pulled into the garage.

“Door open, Kenma!” He heard his dad yell softly down the hallway. He flopped face-first onto his bed, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He extended his arm to reach for his Switch on the bedside table, knocking over the pamphlet his mom had put there a few days ago. Before he could even power up his game, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He considered ignoring the message, wanting to spend his last remaining hours of freedom doing nothing but losing himself to the pixelated safety blanket of video games. He knew he couldn’t ignore the message though, not without feeling like a dick at least.

> > SHOUYOU: hey! how did it go?  ｡^‿^｡

> > KENMA: ok. leaving tomorrow morning.

> > SHOUYOU: so soon?  (′︿‵｡)

> > KENMA: yes. not allowed to bring any tech with me.

> > SHOUYOU: WHAT(⊙△⊙✿) o no kenma how will u survive??!! ur going to sneak ur phone in right?

> > KENMA: no. no wifi or connection out there even if i did.

> > SHOUYOU: am i allowed to write??? ill miss u kenma o(╥﹏╥)o im just glad ur ok.

> > KENMA: i think so. ill miss you too.

Kenma put his phone down, suddenly feeling a little sick to his stomach. He looked around the room, taking in the poster covered walls and his messy desk. When would he sleep in this bed again? Or when is the next time he can stay up until three in the morning to beat a new level? He felt his stomach begin to twist and make it’s way up to his throat. He threw himself off his bed and ran across the hall into the bathroom, leaning over to dry heave into the toilet. When he was certain nothing was going to come up, he stood straight and stared at himself in the mirror. When did his skin get so pale? And the circles around his eyes so deep and dark? He looked away, suddenly too tired to even think about playing his Switch. He quickly brushed his teeth and splashed some water on his face, avoiding looking at the mirror as much as he could. He tip-toed back into his room, stripping off his sweatpants and leaving them on the floor next to the fallen pamphlet. Kenma stared at the shiny piece of paper as if it were mocking him before kicking his discarded pants to cover it. It didn’t seem to help much, as the words  _ “Emerald School for Troubled Boys”  _ seemed to be permanently burned into the back of his eyelids as he prayed for sleep to consume him. __

♣

Emerald School for Troubled Boys (or EB for short, as Kenma would later learn) was only an hour and a half away from Kenma’s home but, it felt like it was an entire world away. On the outside, it was a massive red brick gothic mansion. The house sat smack in the middle of a thick forest, standing tall in a wide clearing. Kenma couldn’t help but think the same thoughts as yesterday, that the building looked more like an elaborate movie set than a boarding school. On the inside, you could tell what areas had been renovated and what hadn’t changed since the house was built. The older areas of the house were dark and had a lot of that vintage “charm” Kenma always heard his mom talking about when she watched HGTV. The areas that had been renovated to look more like a dorm and a school were bright and sterile like the builders had accidentally switched the building plans with that of a hospital. The same woman from yesterday lead them around the house for a tour, her characteristic sickly-sweet voice way too excited for seven in the morning.

“Your room is going to be right down the hall, Kenma.” She led them down a long hallway, passing a communal bathroom and a couple of common areas. “Here we are!” She fished around her pocket for the key.

“They aren’t able to lock their doors are they?” Kenma’s mom began nervously shifting her gaze between her husband and their tour guide.

“Oh no, only staff have keys.” The cheery lady smiled brightly and waved away Kenma’s mom’s concerns. Kenma felt the fog coming in around his brain again. He glanced all around the hallway at anything but his parents and the door trying to disperse the incoming haze when a click to the right brought his attention to the door next to his. The door opened and a lanky boy with some of the worst bed head Kenma had ever seen walked out, stretching his arms high above his head with a yawn. He glanced sideways at Kenma, catching his eyes with an intense cat-like gaze. A Chesire-like grin broke over his face, so bright that Kenma almost physically flinched.

“Good morning doctor!” His voice was intense, almost arrogant sounding. It drew in the attention of Kenma’s parents and the cheery lady who was apparently a doctor of some sort.

“Ah, Kuroo! I’m so glad you’re awake.” The cheery doctor turned her attention to Kenma’s parents. “This is Kuroo, he’s going to be Kenma’s neighbor.” Kuroo walked over and he extended his hand to Kenma’s parents. Kenma could feel his face scrunching up involuntarily. This guy was going to be overwhelming.

“It’s so great to meet you all.” He extended his hand towards Kenma’s next, waiting for him to return the gesture. The shorter boy felt his body tense up. He was not a fan of physical contact, especially with arrogant strangers. Kuroo withdrew his hand as if nothing had happened though, which made Kenma feel a bit pissed off for some reason. He couldn’t stand people who were able to walk through life so comfortable in themselves.

“Do you think you could help us bring up some of Kenma’s stuff. There isn’t much but-”

“No dad, that’s ok!” Kenma spit out a bit too quickly, glancing back up at Kuroo. “You don’t have to, is what I mean.” Kuroo met Kenma with another intense stare, his eyes seeming to be searching for something. After a split second, his face broke out into his wide grin again.

“I would love to help but, I have to get to class.” He shifted his gaze back up to Kenma’s parents. “It was nice meeting you all, again!” Kuroo waved goodbye and headed down the hallway. As he watched him walk away, Kenma silently questioned the boy. The EB didn’t hold class on Sunday.

♣

“Move-in” didn’t take long at all. It took Kenma and his parents a half-hour to unpack his clothes and add what personal touches he could. They weren’t allowed to use technology at Emerald, so that meant leaving his gaming computer and other consols behind. The EB supplied their own clean white bedding and wooden furniture so nothing heavy had to be carried up. His mom insisted that he bring some plants for his room, claiming that they would “make him feel better.” Saying good-bye had been harder than Kenma had expected. His mom immediately burst into tears the moment they stepped outside the house.

“Mom-”

“I know, I know.” She wiped her eyes on her sleeves. “I just feel really mixed about this whole thing.” She smiled sadly and reached out to smooth out Kenma’s hair. A thousand hugs later, his parents had finally climbed back into their car.

“You’ll give the address to Shouyou, right?” So he can write?” 

“Of course.” His mom squeezed his hand. She still looked so exhausted.

“We love you, Kenma.”

“Love you, too.” Kenma watched his parents drive down the long driveway, back towards civilization. He made his way back into the house, realizing that he really didn’t know what to do with himself now. What do the “troubled boys” of Emerald do with their free time? As he walked through the long hallways, he realized he had no idea how to get back to his room either.

“Lost?” Kenma turned around, jumping when he saw Kuroo behind him, smiling that same Chesire grin. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Yeah.” Kenma looked down, using his long hair to hide his face. Kuroo made him nervous but he couldn’t help but notice it was a different kind of nervous than he usually felt. 

“Yeah, this place is pretty confusing at first. It’s like some kind of maze.” Kenma just nodded, still staring down at his feet. They stood in silence for a moment, Kenma desperately wishing he knew his way around so he could escape from the awkward silence. “I’m heading up to lunch, you should come with.” Kenma bit his lip, trying to figure out an excuse as to why he couldn’t go.

“I don’t know, I-”

“Oh come on,” Kuroo cut him off, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning against the wall. “What else are you going to do?” Kenma silently cursed to himself. It wasn’t going to be as easy to get out of things here as it was at home. He slowly raised his head to look at Kuroo, releasing the breath he had been holding. That asshole was standing there against the wall, eyebrow raised like he knew Kenma couldn’t say no to him.

“Fine. But only because I have no idea where I’m going.” 


	2. Mid-Day, November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i apologize for how long this took me to get out, online classes are already kicking my butt and i honestly had a first time writing the beginning part the way i wanted it.

Kenma stared down at his plate, absentmindedly pushing his food around. Between the move-in, his tearful goodbye with his parents, and being dragged to lunch with Kuroo, he was exhausted. While they had been making their way through winding hallways and never-ending staircases, Kuroo had decided to run Kenma through his own personal orientation. The EB served breakfast at six in the morning, lunch from noon to one-thirty, and dinner at five. Lunch was optional but, everyone was required to come eat breakfast and dinner, as those were the times they handed out your medication. Classes were held after breakfast until three, separated by the lunchtime slot. In order to make sure everyone got their eight hours, lights were expected to be out at nine-thirty.

“And whatever you do, do not let them catch you outside your room after lights out.” Kuroo had warned with his seemingly signature grin. The schedule ran the same every day, with the only differences being a ten o’clock lights out on Fridays and Saturdays, and no classes on the weekends. The more Kenma learned about the EB, the more he found himself comparing his new life to a shitty young adult novel. When they had arrived at the dining room, the knot in Kenma’s stomach had immediately been pulled tighter. Up until then, he had really only had to interact with Kuroo. He had seen a few people here and there as they made their way through the hallways but, nothing compared to halls of his overcrowded high school. His mind had begun running through a thousand excuses to leave but, Kuroo’s grip on his wrist pulled him into the crowded room faster than he could get his lips to move.

“That isn’t your natural color is it?” A voice to his left broke Kenma from his self-pity induced flashbacks.

“What?”

“Your hair. That’s not natural, right?” The boy raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow, the tone in his voice completely unreadable. Kenma couldn’t tell if he was genuinely curious or just trying to be an asshole. His thoughts began racing around his head and out of his control, trying to figure out exactly what kind of response this guy was trying to pull out of him.

“No, I dye it.” The boy clicked his tongue.

“I can tell.” Kenma felt his face heat up, partially in embarrassment and partially in anger. He glanced at him through his hair, trying to find some kind of flaw that he could use as ammo against him. His hair was beautiful, a perfect arrangement of controlled waves on the top of his head. His skin looked airbrushed, without a single mark across his high cheekbones and perfectly shaped nose.

“I like it.” Kuroo shrugged, as if his opinion was the deciding factor on whether or not Kenma had good hair. “Come on Oikawa, are you really going to be an asshole on his first day?”

“Well you aren’t a very good judge of hair now are you, Kuroo?” Kuroo’s mouth dropped and his hands raised over his heart, feigning offense to Oikawa’s words. Oikawa turned his gaze back to Kenma, flashing his disgustingly white teeth. “Don’t worry Kenma, I’m an asshole every day.” Kenma found himself at a slight loss for words. Was this guy trying to be unbearable, or was he really just this awful?

“Speaking of assholes,” Kuroo glanced around the room. “Where’s Lev?” Oikawa shrugged, carefully scooping up his food. Kenma felt his face scrunch up, even the way he ate was pretty.

“He’s probably still sleeping. You know how lazy he is.” Kenma felt the haze moving in around his brain, blocking out the rest of Kuroo and Oikawa’s conversation. He was starting to get antsy from sitting among all the noise and controlled chaos of a room full of “troubled” boys. His fingers twitched, searching for the security of his phone or one of his handheld games. He shut his eyes as the fog grew thicker. Welcome to day one of too-fucking-many.

♠

“Your little friend is cute.” Kuroo glanced down at Oikawa, lying stretched out in the grass of the EB’s fenced-in yard.

“Wow, I think that’s the first nice I’ve ever heard you say.” Kuroo’s lips pulled up into a grin, his leg kicked softly at Oikawa’s ribs. He leaned back against the fence, pushing his hand into his pocket to pull out his glasses case.

“Well, it’s true. He reminds me of a little stray kitten.” He laughed quietly to himself. “The poor thing was so anxious it was starting to make _me_ nervous.” Kuroo slid his body down the fence, shaking his head as he went.

“You really don’t know how to give someone a compliment do you?” Oikawa ignored him, his eyes shutting with a hum.

“I wonder why he’s here.”

“I’m pretty sure you figured it out already, he’s practically a walking bundle of nerves.” Kuroo glanced around the yard, squinting his eyes at the windows of the house, searching for any staff. He swiftly pulled a cigarette from the glasses case, bringing it to his lips and lighting it in one fluid motion, as if the movement was second nature. He inhaled deeply, smoke swirling into his lungs as a familiar buzz began to build in his head.

“Obviously.” Oikawa huffed, opening his eyes only to roll them. “I’m meant that I’m curious about what he did to get sent here. He seems like a meltdown kid.”

“Yeah?” Kuroo took another drag. “His parents were the ones who brought him here, they seemed real worked up about leaving him. I met them this morning.”

“Aww,” Oikawa flipped over onto his stomach, his head resting on his hands with a smirk painted across his lips. “What are you jealous or something?” Kuroo grinned, ashing his cigarette in Oikawa’s direction.

“Now why would I be jealous when I have such a loving friend like you to care about me?” Oikawa faked a gag, pushing himself up onto his knees. Kuroo watched him brush the stray pieces of grass that had stuck to his shirt while taking his final inhale. After three years, he had become an expert at sneaking in his smokes in during the day. He can’t remember exactly when his shitty habit began only knowing that it was some time between sixth and seventh grade. He had started stealing cigarettes from his foster parents, stemmed from an urge that had built up to rebel against them. In the normal fashion of life, it quickly began to spiral out of control. His first few weeks after being placed at the EB were filled with headaches and completely restless nights. Whether that was from the nicotine withdrawals or his new home he wasn’t sure, but he always chalked it up to the withdrawals. His spinning head had led him to Bokuto. He had been, without a doubt, the craziest person he had ever met. His energy was endless, always finding new ways for the pair to get in trouble. He was the mastermind, but Kuroo was the manipulative asshole who always talked their way out of trouble.

“I have to show you something.” He had busted into Kuroo’s room, the signature glint in his eye’s shining bright, meaning he had something big in store. The two made their way down the staircases and turned the halls until they ended up outside. Bokuto was walking with an excited bounce in his step, resembling a six-foot-tall toddler. He led him back to the far right corner of the yard, whipping his head around to make sure they weren’t being watched. Kuroo raised his brow as the spikey-headed boy kneeled onto the grass.

“Check it out.” He grinned, pulling up a loose piece of fence. He glanced around one last time before sticking his hand threw. He began pawing at a patch loose dirt, digging as best as one could with only one hand. Kuroo had been watching him through the holes in the fence, for once a bit afraid of Bokuto’s unpredictability. The loose dirt gave way, uncovering a now dirty carton of cigarettes. Kuroo laughed to himself, remembering how his jaw had dropped when he saw the stained little box. Bokuto had a boyfriend on the outside, and amongst a series of letters, they had somehow arranged a plan for him to smuggle cigarettes to Bokuto. He has no idea how they never got caught, as the plan seemed so painfully obvious. Bokuto had wanted to get out of there, not that everyone else didn’t, but he pushed a bit harder to reacher recovery than everyone else.

“Akaashi is waiting for me.” He would always say every time he went through a medication switch or sat through additional sessions with the psychologist. He refused to see himself spending a full four years in the EB, wanting to have a normal high school experience with his boyfriend. Kuroo couldn’t help but always feel a bit jealous. Bokuto had a life to look forward to outside of the EB, while Kuroo’s life had just begun inside the EB. In the middle of their second year, he had gotten the release he had worked so hard for.

“I get to go home.” He had said one afternoon while they were sneaking their cigarette break on the lawn. He proudly pulled out his release form for Kuroo to see, his grin wider and brighter than ever before, lighting up the bittersweet moment. Of course, Kuroo wanted his best friend to be happy and healthy, living a normal sixteen-year-old life. Selfishly though, he wanted him here with him, continuing to be the iconic shit-head duo they were. They stayed in contact, and Bokuto promised to keep bringing Kuroo his cigarettes. As life took its natural course, their letters went from weekly, to bi-weekly, to monthly. Bokuto was making up for lost time, spending time with Akaashi, joining his high school’s volleyball team, making new friends and new memories in his now normal life. Kuroo’s life had moved on as well, he became closer with Oikawa, who had been on and off again friends with him and Bokuto, met Lev, and worked his way to having the top grades in Emerald. He was content as one could be while locked up in a school for “troubled boys.” While Bokuto was getting his license, Kuroo was getting new pills. Bokuto was planning for college and thinking about the future, while Kuroo was focusing on simply surviving long enough to make it to the future. He sighed, pushing his glasses case back into his pocket and pushing himself off the ground.

“Time for you to lock yourself away in the library?” Oikawa followed suit, rising from his knees to his feet.

“You know me so well.” Kuroo pulled his mouth into a grin. “You know, you should really try studying once and while too.” Oikawa scoffed, shooting a glare towards Kuroo.

“I’m smart enough already. Besides, I wouldn’t want to take your number one spot away from you.” He turned on his heel, making his way back towards the house. Kuroo laughed, following Oikawa with a shake of his head. He was no Bokuto, but he made life interesting enough for to pass.

♠

Kenma felt like he could draw every crack in his ceiling from memory. He glanced at the clock on his desk, squinting his eyes to read the dashes. He wasn’t sure how long he had been staring at his ceiling but somehow the time had melted into nine o’clock. Before she left him alone with his parents, the doctor had told him to make sure he spent the remainder of his first day exploring the building, meeting his hallmates, and not being cooped up in his room. After his lunch with Kuroo though, he felt completely exhausted and he ended up doing exactly what she had told him not to. He sighed, pulling himself out of bed with a stretch. The exhaustion still engulfed him like an overwhelming heat but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fall asleep. He couldn’t remember the last time he had gone to bed at nine-thirty, let alone before midnight. He grabbed his small toiletry bag, dragging himself down the hall and into the communal bathroom. He stopped in front of the skins, his eyes locking onto his reflection in the mirror. His skin was still so pale, the circles on his eyes as dark as the night before.

“Kenma!” A voice broke him from his thoughts, his body jumping at the sound. He looked towards the reflection of the door in the mirror, Kuroo grinning back at him through the glass. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” He set his own bag down, leaving a sink in between them.

“You didn’t scare me.” He pulled his glance away, silently cursing himself for sounding so defensive. Both boys pulled out their toothbrushes, silence hanging between them as they rain their brushes underwater.

“So,” Kuroo said through a mouth full of toothpaste. “How was the rest of your first day?” He turned his body towards Kenma, leaning against the counter. Kenma spit before he spoke.

“It was fine.” Kuroo flashes him another smile, his mouth full of foam. He looked absolutely ridiculous.

“Excited for your first day of school?” He spat before he spoke this time, sounding like an excited father about to give his son a pep-talk.

“Not really.” Kenma shrugged, giving one final spit before rinsing his toothbrush. Kuroo just gave a small laugh, the sound muffled by his mouth full of toothpaste. They continued their nighttime routines in silence, Kenma pulling his hair into a loose bun before leaning down to wash his face. He hated uncomfortable silence almost as much as he hated interactions he found unnecessary. As he washed his face though, he couldn’t help but notice the lack of discomfort between him and the bed-headed boy splashing his face with water. He watched the boy pat his face dry with a towel, water droplets sliding down his chin and onto the counter. Kuroo pulled the towel away from his face, meeting Kenma’s gaze through the mirror. He smiled, but not the same Cheshire grin Kenma had seen him wear before. This smile was different, softer. He quickly pulled his eyes away, grabbing and toiletry bag, giving himself one last glance in the mirror before he turned to head out of the room.

“Hey-” His body stopped at Kuroo’s words, turning to look up at the taller boy. “You should come to breakfast with me tomorrow. I’ll take a look at your class schedule.” Kenma’s thoughts began to fly around his brain. He really did want some insight into his classes to calm his nerves, but he wasn’t sure if he could handle Oikawa’s comments as a start to his day.

“We don’t have to sit with Oikawa.” He said, as if he could read Kenma’s mind. “I won’t let that asshole ruin your first day of classes.” His mouth moved into the signature grin again. Kenma bit at his lip. He thought of Shouyou for a split second, his mind replaying a memory of him inviting Kenma to sit with him in middle school. Having him around always made life a bit easier, a little bit brighter. Kuroo was lacking the same bright orange hair and bouncy personality, but Kenma couldn’t help but see the possibility of him bringing his own kind of light into his new life.

“Ok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thank you for reading and leaving your comments/suggestions/feedback/anything! my goal is to update this weekly. here's to the start of their adventure!


	3. First Day, November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy (late) kuroken day! i wish i had updated this sooner... i've been sick and finals are starting to kill me. 
> 
> this chapter mentions suicide, so if you would rather avoid that part it begins after lev says “Basically, the EB thinks..." and ends before "It's the same reason why they make..."
> 
> enjoy!

Kenma wasn’t sure he could do this. He had made it through his first morning of classes, each one slowly draining the life out of him as the minutes ticked on. Kenma wasn’t stupid by any means, but the classes at the EB were on an entirely different level than his public high school. Everyone around him seemed so ahead, their pencils scraping against paper when he wasn’t even sure what they could possibly be taking notes on. By the middle of his second class, he wasn’t even sure if anyone was speaking English. Had all these kids come from private college-prep schools? Or was he just not as smart as he gave himself credit for? He threw his books down on one end of the bed and flopped face-first onto the other, the perfect position for thinking over his options. If he really wanted to, he knew could write to his parents and tell them he wanted to come home. All he had to do was tell them that he was absolutely miserable (even if he wasn’t THAT miserable) and they would come and get him faster than he could even send the letter. Or, even more convincing, he could wait till the end of the week so he wouldn’t have to sit through one of his dad’s famous “you just have to give things time” speeches. Kenma pulled his body up to rest on his knees and glanced at the clock. He had two hours before he was required to head to dinner and had absolutely no idea how to spend that time. He glanced around his tiny room, waiting for a solution to magically appear in front of him. As his head turned towards the door, he noticed a flutter of movement. He closed his eyes, silently praying to be left alone.

“Kenma!” Two quick knocks followed the voice. “We’re coming in!” Without delay, his door was flung open to reveal a smiling Oikawa. Kenma immediately felt his face tighten as he watched the taller boy welcome himself inside, followed by Kuroo.

“Wow, your view is even nicer than mine. It’s so unfair that people like you and Kuroo get such nice rooms.” Oikawa crossed the small room to stand in front of the windows, his hand resting on his hip and pout accenting his face.

“Well that’s what happens when you aren’t a dick, you get good karma.” Kuroo glanced over to Kenma as he replied to Oikawa, a smirk spreading across his face.

“Can I help you?” Kenma glanced between the two men in his room. He was confused about their dynamic, unable to find out if they were two arrogant assholes who were best friends because of it or two arrogant assholes who hated each other. Oikawa turned away from the window, walking over to sit next to Kenma on his bed.

“Kuroo here wanted to hear all about your first day.” He crossed his legs. “It was all he could talk about the whole day, wasn’t it Kuroo?” Kenma felt his body involuntarily shift away from Oikawa’s lanky legs. Something about the tone in his voice made Kenma’s chest slowly tighten. He hated not being able to read people, and it was completely impossible to read Oikawa. Did Kuroo really care about his day that badly? Or was Oikawa just trying to agitate him?

“Of course I did.” Kuroo’s reply made Kenma’s head snap up towards him, eyebrows knitted together and a heat rising in his face.

“Why?”

“Why not?” Kuroo stared at Kenma with his eyebrow raised, his lips turning up into a small smile. Kenma could do nothing but stare at the taller boy in front of him, his thoughts rushing a mile a minute trying to piece together some response. “First days are always rough.” As he watched Kuroo’s shoulders shrug, he couldn’t ignore the strange feeling building in his chest. With a sudden shift in energy, Oikawa flung himself off the bed.

“Well? Are you going to tell us or what?” He spoke with his back turned to Kuroo and Kenma, his legs pulling him towards the door. Kenma looked between him and Kuroo, the gears in his brain slowly grinding together to try and figure out what his intention was. A majority of the interactions he’s had in his life left him completely worn down by trying to figure out exactly how people wanted him to respond. When he couldn’t figure it out, he found himself hiding behind a snarky and uninterested wall. This morning though, when it had just been him and Kuroo, he felt the wall start to crumble piece by piece. There was something about the way the bed-headed boy spoke to him that didn’t make him feel like there was an ulterior motive behind every sentence. When Oikawa was added to the equation though, the warning signals immediately began coursing through his veins, making every part of his body tingle.

“Come on,” Kuroo’s smooth voice broke through the haze filtering in around Kenma’s brain. “We don’t bite.” He held out his hand and Kenma felt his own reach for it before his brain could process what he was doing. Kuroo pulled him up, his large hand completely covering Kenma’s smaller one. He felt electricity course through him, only this time it didn’t feel like a warning signal.

♣

Kenma followed in Oikawa and Kuroo’s long shadows down the winding stairs and outside. He hadn’t been out in the yard yet, he wasn’t even sure he had realized it was there. The two boys led him towards the back of the yard, towards someone who was sitting against the fence.

“Hey!” The kid’s head snapped up, his eyes wide as he heard their footsteps in the grass. “There you guys are!” Even from a few steps away, Kenma could feel his overwhelming energy radiating towards them. It wasn’t overwhelming in the ways that Oikawa’s was, lacking in the signature condescending feel. Kuroo slid down the fence to claim a spot next to him while Oikawa laid himself out in the grass in front of them. Kenma stood awkwardly, feeling like a kid looking for a place to sit in a lunchroom full of strangers.

“Lev, this is Kenma. Kenma, Lev.” Kuroo moved his hand between them, presenting them as he said their names. “Levs a first year, so he’s pretty new here too.”

“This is the Kenma you’ve been talking about!” Lev looked up at Kenma, a wide smile taking up his whole face. Kenma felt his face turn hot, the same way it had earlier in his room.

“Are you going to stand there all day, Kenma?” Oikawa laid fully onto his back, stretching his arms behind his head and shutting his eyes. Kenma awkwardly plopped his body down in the space between Kuroo and Oikawa, his hands immediately tugging at the grass.

“Ok, guess what happened to me today-” As Lev dived immediately into a story, not leaving any time for anyone to take a guess, Kenma’s eyes traveled to Kuroo’s hands. He glanced around a few times before digging his hand into his pocket, pulling out a black glasses case.

“You wear glasses?” Kenma heard himself blurt out. Kuroo’s mouth snaked into its signature smile as he opened up the case.

“I do.” He glanced up at Kenma through the hair that had fallen into his face. “That’s not why I have this case with me though.” His long fingers held a cigarette, his other hand fishing around his pocket for what Kenma presumed to be a lighter.

“Ooh Kuroo, could I have one again? I promise I’ll pay you back for it!” Kuroo sent a sideways glare towards Lev as he lit his cigarette. He took a long drag before responding, the smoke blowing out his lips and creating fading patterns in the air in front of him.

“Yeah? You said that last time dumbass.”

“Please? You haven’t had your friend bring me my own yet!”

“Yeah I know, that’s because you haven’t paid me.” Kuroo took a shorter inhale this time, blowing smoke in Lev’s face. Kenma couldn’t help but wonder what friend Lev was talking about. Was it someone at the EB or someone from Kuroo’s old school? “Do you smoke Kenma?” Kuroo turned his attention towards him, blowing smoke in the other direction before moving his head.

“No. I didn’t think anyone our age smoked.” He heard Oikawa snort.

“Give it a week.”

“Come on! You can’t offer him one and not me!” Lev protested before Kenma could respond.

“Jesus Christ,” Kuroo pulled out another cigarette and flung it into Lev’s lap. He snapped the glasses case shut and pushed it back into his pocket. “You’re like a toddler. You better have your own lighter.” On command, Lev pulled his own lighter out of his pocket. He lit the cigarette and took a small breath, coughing as he released the smoke. Kuroo rolled his eyes as he took another long drag.

“Are we allowed to have lighters?” Kenma wasn’t exactly sure why he asked, it’s not like he needed one for anything. He was more interested in how to sneak something like his Switch in with him.

“Seriously?” Another snort came from Oikawa as he pushed himself up onto his elbows to raise his eyebrow at Kenma. Kuroo stretched his foot forward to kick at Oikawa’s ribs.

“Do you always have to be such a dick?” Kuroo turned his head back and met Kenma’s eyes. “No, we aren’t allowed to have lighters here. They aren’t hard to hide though.”

“So,” Kenma bit his lip, unsure how he wanted to word his thoughts. “Shouldn’t we not be able to have like… shoelaces and stuff like that?” Kuroo smiled, taking the final drag of cigarette #1 before pulling out #2.

“Looks like its unofficial EB orientation time. Lev, wanna take this one?”

“Basically, the EB thinks that taking away our shoelaces and shit will mess up our brains even more. Cause they’re not giving us a normal life or whatever.”

“Plus,” Kuroo chuckled. “The majority of the dudes here have already tried to kill themselves. Not that they wouldn’t try again but, there’s only been like 5 or 6 suicides here since the schools opened.” Kenma felt his body tense at the way Kuroo was speaking so casually as if suicide was an everyday topic between him and his friends. Maybe it was but, he found it hard to imagine any of them trying to kill themselves. Lev seemed so… bright and excited about things, Oikawa seemed to be way too in love with himself and Kuroo was… well, Kuroo. “As far as lighters though, there’s really no purpose for us to have them.”

“It’s the same reason why they make classes so difficult!” Lev blew smoke from his mouth as he spoke.

“A brain full of knowledge has no time to be sick.” Kuroo laughed, shaking his head. Suddenly, Kenma felt tired. He zoned in and out as the boys around him discussed their days. He watched Kuroo as he talked, his brain taking in tiny details and filing them away. Kuroo had a small scar over one of his eyebrows, and a dimple on his right cheek. Kenma wanted to know his story. Why was he here? And for how long? He seemed like he knew everything there was to know about the EB, which made Kenma believe he’d been here for all of high school. Was he from the area? Did he have siblings? Did he push through his own awkward, teary goodbye with his parents when they dropped him off? Kuroo turned his head towards him and caught his eye. A smile broke over his features but, it wasn’t the same Chesire grin Kenma had already become so used to seeing. This one was gentle, the kind you always see in cheesy romance movies. Kenma felt the corner of his lips turn up, only causing Kuroo’s to get wider. What was it about that smile that made Kenma feel so safe? 


	4. First Night, November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's 2 AM but my brain wouldn't let me rest until i wrote this! this chapter is a bit more focused on their relationship (finally.) enjoy :)

As strange as it sounds, Kenma had always loved bathrooms. The privacy of them had always brought him security, and the comfort that no one would bother him made it his own strange little safe space. One of his biggest worries, when his parents had brought up the idea of sending him away, was the possibility that this safe space would be taken from him. Being an only child, he never had to share a bathroom with anyone and he avoided his high-school bathrooms like the plague. As he stood under the stream of water from his first shower at the EB, in a bathroom he had to share with 50+ boys, he couldn’t help but feel a small tinge of security. For some reason, the lukewarm water running down his body made him feel hopeful. Hopeful that maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as he thought it was going to be. Underneath though, he knows it’s not just the water making him feel this way. Earlier in the day, he had been swept up and forced outside by Kuroo and Oikawa. As he sat in the grass with them and the newly introduced Lev, listening to their seemingly endless stories of excitement, he felt a new feeling course through him. Even though he still couldn’t read Oikawa, he felt a sensation of acceptance. It’s not like he didn’t have friends back home but, this somehow felt new. When he had first met Shouyou, it took a lot for him to actually feel comfortable around the powerful force he was. Through him, he had made a few friends here and there but, they were the kind of friends that you talked to in school and never anything outside of that. There was something about the way that Kenma had just been thrown into this group’s routine, the way that there was no awkward small talk or awkward introductions beyond names, that had inspired this feeling of hope. As he reached out to turn off the water, he couldn’t help the small twitch of his lips that threatened a smile. After quickly patting himself dry and half-heartedly squeezing the excess water out of his hair, he made his way out of the safety of the bathroom and into the hall. He hadn’t met any of his neighbors beside Kuroo. He wasn’t even sure if Lev or Oikawa lived on his floor. Were his other neighbors as aggressive as Kuroo and Oikawa? Or were they their own special breed of “troubled.” As he opened the door to his room, his eyes immediately shifted to the clock. Exactly 20 minutes before lights out. Throwing his towel on the ground, he reached into his drawer to pull out his pajamas. His body always shifted from overly hot to absolutely freezing when he slept, so his go-to was always one of his more beat up sweaters and a small pair of shorts. One thing he was thankful for, was the lack of mirrors in his room. Back home, Kenma was forced far too often to stare at his small and bony body. Every sweater he wore absolutely swallowed him, covering up protruding collarbones and jutted ribcage. His parents had taken him to multiple doctors, specialists, and even nutritionists to try and figure out why their son’s body couldn’t seem to develop past 10 years old and every time the answers were the same:

“Some people just have a faster metabolism than others!”

“Sometimes kids just stop growing!”

“He’ll grow, his body is just moving a bit slower than others!” On the bright side, he could at least fit into girl sized pajama shorts. He had always liked the fun patterns and pastel colors better than the boring plaid found on every pair of pajamas for boys. Just as he was about to throw his body down onto his bed, he noticed a folded up piece of paper sitting neatly on his pillow. Sitting on his knees, he reached for it, observing the paper for any kind of clue as to what it was. He slowly unfolded it to reveal a beautiful mess of uneven penmanship. It was simultaneously the worst and most beautiful handwriting he had ever seen, reading:

“Celebrate your first day? - K” As he read the words, he felt his heart jump a little in his chest. Celebrate? He turned to the clock again, pulling his lip with his teeth. He wasn’t supposed to leave his room after lights out, and he was certain this “celebration” would take longer than the quickly approaching curfew. Normally if he had gotten this type of note (he hadn’t in real life but, in the hypothetical scenarios he ran through his brain) he would have ignored it without a second thought but, something about this one made him curious. On one hand, it would not be smart to go around breaking rules on the first night but on the other, his brain wanted to completely ignore the risk. He glanced between the clock and the note, his teeth digging deeper into his lip. With a sigh, he pulled himself out of bed and forced his feet towards the door. He quickly snuck out his door, glancing down the hallway before making his way over to Kuroo’s door. As he reached for the door handle a million thoughts began to flood his mind:

“Was the note really from Kuroo?”

“Were he and Oikawa playing some kind of prank on him?”

“Had someone in the staff forged the note and placed it on his pillow just to see if he was a rulebreaker so they could kick him out?” He shook his head, trying to force the thoughts out. With a deep breath, he pulled the door open, forcing his body through and shutting it before he could even open it all the way.

“Oh. Hey Kenma.” Kuroo looked up at him, his face breaking into a grin. He was laying on his bed, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants and the glasses Kenma had asked him about earlier, with a book in one hand and his head resting on the other. His floor was covered in a scattered mess of papers and books, the same mess spreading across his desk. Above it, the wall was covered in an array of different sized papers, creating a strange and slightly eerie collage. “I thought you weren’t going to come. Sorry about the mess.” He put the book down and sat upright, his bare chest now completely on display. Kenma found himself unable to look away, his brain moving in slow motion like its connection was cut off.

“Where’s Oikawa?” Was what he decided to say, mentally slapping himself in the face.

“What? I can’t hang out with my neighbor?” Kuroo laughed. “I just wanted to celebrate your first day and see how it really went.” He pulled himself up from his bed and suddenly Kenma felt very aware of their height difference.

“What do you mean celebrate?” Kenma watched as Kuroo began digging around in his closet, pushing aside more books and piles of clothes.

“Like wine?” He turned around, holding up a bottle of light pink wine with a raised eyebrow.

“I’ve never had it…” Kenma felt his eyes widen and his brows furrow, this definitely wasn’t allowed.

“Well, there’s a first time for everything! Unfortunately, I don’t have anything else.”

“No, I meant I’ve never had anything.”

“Like I said, first time for everything!” Kuroo’s smile suddenly dropped. “Unless of course, you don’t want to. I don’t want to force you to do anything, we can just talk” Kenma felt his cheeks turning pink.

“Won’t we get in trouble?”

“Nah.” Kuroo walked towards him. “All we have to do is keep the light off and stay quiet.” He flipped the light switch, his smile returning and glowing in the dark. “Come on, I promise I wouldn’t get you in trouble on your first day.” As Kenma’s eyes adjusted to the dim light coming in through the window, they met Kuroo's. Even though his heart was racing, he felt that feeling of hope rush over him again. He wasn’t sure why but, he felt himself giving in to the trust that began to warm his body. His lip curled into a small grin.  
“You better not.” He moved around Kuroo’s tall figure, a sudden burst of confidence placing him on the edge of Kuroo’s bed. Kuroo stood there for a second, seeming equally shocked. His smile grew impossibly wide, and he sat down next to the shorter boy.

“Sorry I don’t have any cups,” He twisted the cap off the bottle with a cracking pop “so we’ll just have to drink straight out of the bottle.” He handed the bottle over, Kenma taking it into his small hands. He felt his teeth dig into his lip again. A few weeks ago, he would have never been in this situation. Anytime Shouyou had invited him to drink with his volleyball friends, Kenma always refused. One because he wasn’t sure if he could handle a drunk Hinata, and two because he was always too afraid of what his parents would say if they caught him drinking. Maybe this was all a part of his journey to becoming a new Kenma, though. His parents couldn’t be mad if it helped him become the bold son they so desperately wanted him to be (they also couldn’t be mad if they never found out.) Throwing all his thoughts out of his brain, he brought the bottle to his lips and drank. As the taste hit his throat, he nearly dropped the bottle. His face scrunched up, coughing as the string ran down his throat.

“That tastes like bug spray.” Kuroo laughed, grabbing the bottle from him.

“Yeah, it’s pretty bad isn’t it?” He took a large pull, a small drop dripping down his chin. “Tastes a lot better when you’re buzzed.” He held the bottle towards Kenma, his eyebrow-raising in a silent challenge. Kenma grabbed it from him, forcing himself to take another drink.

“We’ll see about that.”

♠

One finished bottle and a couple of pulls from a second bottle later, Kenma’s brain was covered in a new type of haze. He felt like there were thousands of tiny little bees buzzing around in his head and his chest. A smile painted across his face and his body laid out over Kuroo’s bed.

“And I just don’t understand why the classes are so hard! I mean, I’m not stupid or anything. And why do we have to keep going to school anyway? That totally doesn’t happen in a real hospital.” Even though he was rambling on, Kenma didn’t feel frustrated. He felt happy. Happy to be laying on this comfy bed, happy to be laughing, happy to be here with Kuroo. Kuroo finished off the second bottle, getting up and placing it in his closet alongside the first one. As he walked across the room, Kenma couldn’t help but stare. Kuroo was huge, his muscles rippling under his skin with every movement. Was there a gym here? He turned around, meeting Kenma’s stare with his signature wide smile. Instead of looking away or hiding behind his hair, Kenma returned his smile.

“Can I ask you something?” He said as he watched Kuroo make his way from the closet and return to his spot on the bed.

“Go for it, Kenma” Kenma felt his nose scrunch up at the teasing reply. He turned over onto his stomach, his head resting in his hands.

“Why are you here? I mean, you seem so… so…” He struggled to find the right words around the buzzing bees in his brain “happy. And confident. Same with Oikawa and Lev but, I don’t really care about them right now. Well, maybe Oikawa isn’t so happy. Is he always that grumpy?” Kuroo laughed, cutting off Kenma’s trainwreck of thoughts. He sat for a second, staring at Kenma stretched out over his bed. His hand reached out, brushing a piece of Kenma’s hair behind his ear. Kenma felt himself lean into the touch, he loved having his hair touched but he wasn’t quite sure what his hair had to do with Kuroo’s answer.

“I like you, Kenma.” His hand lingered near Kenma’s head.

“Ok?” Kenma felt his forehead scrunch up. He liked Kuroo too but, what did that have to do with anything? Kuroo laughed, a deep, almost hyena-sounding laugh that made Kenma’s eyes go wide.

“I had to get taken out of my parent's house when I was young. Foster care didn’t really work out so I’ve moved through places like this my entire life.” He ran his fingers through the faux blonde locks. “That's the short of the story, the rest is for another, more sober day.” Kenma pulled his lips into a pout but no protest left his mouth. He shimmied his body closer to Kuroo, the warmth of the taller boy pulling him in. Kuroo welcomed him closer, his hand finding a permanent spot in Kenma’s hair, slowly stroking and lulling the smaller boy to sleep.

“Hey, Kuroo.” Kenma laid with his eyes closed, curled up on his side into Kuroo’s still sitting figure.

“What’s up, sleepyhead?” He heard a small giggle escape from Kenma’s lips and a flood of warmth spread over his body.

“I like you too.” This time, it was Kuroo’s turn for a small laugh to leave his lips. He looked down, Kenma already fast asleep and breathing softly like a kitten. Kuroo reached down, pulling his discarded blanket over Kenma’s small frame.

“Goodnight, Kenma.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh they're so cute it makes me want to punch someone. 
> 
> check out the mood board for this story!   
> https://weheartit.com/quailz/collections/171358684-kuroken-walls
> 
> thank you for reading!


	5. Next Morning, November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes! i can't believe the last time i updated this was may... 
> 
> i had to rewrite this chapter multiple times because each time it was never really how i wanted it. i'll use that as my excuse for the huge delay... :)

With each new step, Kenma’s feet seemed to sink lower and lower into the mud. Heavy rain fell from the sky, each droplet making it harder to see into the woods. Something was wrong, he could tell by the immense panic that spread throughout his chest.

“Hey!” He called out, his voice muffled by the sound of the rain hitting the ground. Was he looking for someone? Lightning shot across the sky, lighting up the forest around him. Was this the forest behind the EB? Did he get lost? How did he even get outside of the fence without being seen? Kenma looked down at his unmoving legs, the wet mud starting to suck him low into the ground.

“Kenma?” He hears someone call his name but the mud clings to his legs like cement. He looks around, trying to find where the voice is coming from. The heavy curtain of rain makes it impossible to see beyond him. He makes out the faint outline of trees and bushes, spaces where anyone could be hiding. “Kenma?” They try again, their voice seeming closer this time. He tries to open his mouth to call out again but, his voice comes out cracked and strained. The panic in his chest grows thicker, feeling tight and burning away at his lungs.

“I can’t let go.” The words come out dry, his throat straining against itself. He feels himself sink lower to the ground, his hands finding a home in the cool mud.

“Kenma!” His eyes open just before he finds himself face first in the dirt. His short hair sticks to his face with a layer of sweat. His chest rises and falls with every sharp breath. Kuroo is standing above him, his eyebrows pulled tightly together in a look of concern.

“What are you doing in my room?” Kenma asks as he sits up, his words coming out harshly as he tries to control his breathing. Kuroo laughs, his eyebrows relaxing.

“You mean my room?” The faux blonde glances around the room, taking in the mess of books stacks and walls covered in papers of all sizes. “I think you were having a nightmare.”

“Why am I in your room?”

“You fell asleep here after our celebration.”

“Celebration?” Kenma suddenly feels a shooting pain in his skull. He winces, fighting the urge to crawl under the white comforter and stay there. Another laugh falls from Kuroo’s lips as he tilts his head toward the empty wine bottles on the floor. Kenma racks through his aching brain. He can remember the disgusting first pull of the light pink liquid, the sudden burst of confidence he felt as he grabbed the bottle from Kuroo’s hand.

“Well, sorry for falling asleep on your bed.” He bit down on his lip. Did he make Kuroo uncomfortable last night? Had he said anything weird? Kuroo waved his hand at him, his lips forming his signature smirk.

“No worries. My floor is pretty comfortable.” Kenma offered a small smile in return. The room fell silent, sunlight filtering in through the window. What time is it? The blonde glances around the room, looking for a clock.

“We’d better get going soon.” Kuroo breaks the silence as if he could read the other’s mind. He walks over to his drawers, digging around for fresh clothes. “I’d get moving if I were you. Unless you want to see me naked.”Kenma felt his face flush as a cocky smile spread across the taller man’s face. He awkwardly stumbled out of bed, silently cursing himself for not being as smooth as Kuroo is.

“I’ll see you later.” Kuroo’s face softens, his words full of certainty. 

♠ 

The second day dragged on longer than the first. After leaving Kuroo’s room that morning, a sense of dread had begun to fill Kenma’s body. It had continued to flood his system as the minutes ticked on the clock, making each movement heavier than the next. When sitting in Kuroo’s room the night before, he felt a level of comfort that he hadn’t felt in years. It didn’t feel temporary like the privacy of a shower or the feeling of seeing a friend in a crowded room. Kuroo gave him a sense of safety and a strange rush of confidence. Kenma stared down at the notebook in front of him, his chicken-scratch handwriting filling the page with words he couldn’t comprehend. The longer he stared at the paper, the tighter his chest felt. He closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath, the air feeling like it was being sucked through a straw. Fuck. Did everyone around him notice he was freaking out? They had probably all been waiting for him to crack, knowing that he would never be as smart as them. He saw the other kids begin to stand up, closing their notebooks and packing up the rest of their belongings. They seemed to move in slow and jerky motions, like a skipping DVD. He slowly pulled his body from the hard wooden chair, grabbing his stuff with shaky hands. He headed for the door, his legs moving faster than he wanted them too. He was drawing too much attention to himself, everyone knew he was losing it. The thick fog that had got him here started rolling across his brain, making everything hazy. He headed up the closest staircase, hoping it would lead to his room. How was he ever going to get better here? Everything about the dark halls and echoing walls made him feel suffocated as if they were closing in on him as the seconds ticked on the clock.

“Kenma?” The sound of his name caused him to snap his head up. A hole began to form in his chest, pulling his body inwards until he locked eyes with the man in front of him. Kuroo stood on the steps above him, his eyebrows pulled together tightly. “Are you alright?” Kenma opened his mouth to respond but seemed to forget how. Kuroo watched his hesitating lips, noticing words that wanted to tumble out. It looked as if a roadblock was sitting on the shorter’s tongue. He hesitantly reached his hand forward, lingering in front of Kenma’s to test the water. The blonde stared down at the large hand, his eyes shifting slowly to his own before reaching forward. “Come with me.” Kuroo locked their hands together in a light grip. Kenma let himself be guided back down the winding staircase and through the dimly lit hallways. They made their way outside, stopping at the broken fence they had sat at yesterday. Kuroo loosened his grip on Kenma’s hand, the blonde’s fingers tingling as they were detached from the others. “Want a smoke?” Kuroo turns his body away from the building, hiding his makeshift cigarette carton.

“A smoke?” Kenma heard himself snort. “You sound like my grandpa.” Kuroo laughed, his head shaking as he inhaled on the now lit cigarette.

“Well. This is the last time I try to be helpful.” His voice came out teasing, the smoke creating small patterns in the space in front of him. Kenma sat, his fingers tangling into the grass. He leaned his head back against the fence, shutting his eyes as the fog began to float out of his skull. Kuroo slid down the fence next to him, allowing the silence to settle in around them. Kenma hadn’t realized how cold it was, his shoulders tensing as they looked for warmth. Kuroo took his last inhale, blowing the smoke slowly from his lips as he tossed the butt somewhere into the grey grass. “So,” he broke the silence, “another bad day?”

“You sure are nosy.” Kenma sighed, his breath hanging in front of him like his own cloud of smoke.

“I like to consider myself caring.” He saw Kuroo tilt his head toward him out of the corner of his eye, his lips twisting into a grin. “Is it anxiety?” He asked, his voice taking a more gentle tone.

“I don’t have anxiety.” Kenma snapped. He had been asked that question his entire life and every time he hated it more and more. He was not a weak little kitten that needed to be coaxed out of the corner. Kuroo stayed silent, watching him with his dark stare. Kenma stared back at him, waiting for another snarky comment. Kuroo raised his eyebrow, a silent way of asking what he was looking for. Kenma exhaled hard, his back curving as he pulled himself lower down the fence. “I don’t like…” he trailed off. He had never been able to put how he feels into words. “I don’t know. I don’t like having attention drawn to myself.”

“And what drew attention to you today?”

“You can always tell when someone has no idea whats going on. Everyone here knows that I’m completely lost.”

“It’s only your second day-”

“But that's not what I mean.”

“Well, what do you mean?” Silence.

“I would be perfectly happy if no one could see me or hear me.”

“That's why you slouch.”

“What?” Kenma drew his eyebrows together, his head turning sideways to glare at Kuroo’s face.

“You slouch so you’ll be smaller. You think fewer people will notice you. A lot of people do that.” Kuroo shrugged, his words sounding more like a fact than an observation. Did he really do that? Kenma sat up a little straighter, his spine pulling tight. “I don’t mean that in a bad way. You’re already small so it looks cute when you do it.”

“My hunched back is cute?” Kenma raised his eyebrow, ignoring the heat spreading over his cheeks.

“Adorable.” Kuroo grinned. Kenma stared at the dark-haired boy sitting beside him. His mouth was spread wide, his hair messier than the day before, the scar above his eyebrow more noticeable in the natural light. For the first time in his life, Kenma wanted to kiss someone. Kuroo was nosy and loud, the type of person Kenma would avoid at his old high school. But something about this person was different than the others. He spoke to Kenma like a human, not a child. He asked questions out of curiosity, not judgment. He looked at Kenma like he understood him, something Kenma had been looking for his entire life.

“Hey! What are you two lovebirds doing out here?” A teasing voice broke Kenma from his thoughts and his one-sided staring contest with Kuroo’s lips. They both looked upwards, Oikawa stood above them with his hand resting on his hip.

“Damn. We were really hoping you would get lost on the way out here.” Kuroo sighed dramatically, his lips turned upwards.

“Haha. Very funny.” Oikawa’s lip pouted outwards. “I actually came out here looking for you, being the good friend that I am.” Kenma started at the tall figure silently. Oikawa always sounded like he was speaking in riddles. “The doctor is looking for you, she wants to see you.”

“Tell her I'm flattered but, she really isn’t my type.” Kenma and Oikawa both cringed at the cheesy joke as Kuroo pulled himself off the ground, wiping the dead grass from his pants.

“Besides,” Oikawa continued as if he had never stopped talking. “It’s freezing out here. Poor little Kenma here is probably anemic or something.” He turned on his heel and headed back towards the building, never looking over his shoulder to see if they were following. Kuroo extended his hand out to Kenma’s and pulled him up off the ground. This had been the longest two days of Kenma’s life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's to finally finishing this chapter and hoping the next one doesn't take as long!!
> 
> come talk to me on twitter @itachiyam :)
> 
> and if you've forgotten, this story had a mood board that i update! (sometimes more than the actual story...) check it out if you're interested: https://weheartit.com/quailz/collections/171358684-kuroken-walls


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